How Can I Support Someone?
I've always heard that it takes a village to raise a kid, but man does it take one to battle infertility, cancer, or any other unfavorable diagnosis. Many times it can be difficult to know how to support someone through these seasons if you've never experienced it. This was one of the reasons I started Hope and Heartache, because it's so important to support others, but it can be so difficult to know what to do or say that it stops you in your tracks. I hope that the ideas below can help guide you and support those you love. Remember to keep in mind the person you're supporting when you are considering how to support them. They will appreciate it more than you know.
Meals
I can't tell you how much meals mean to Dilan and I. Processing the the grief and trauma of a scary diagnosis or recovery can take all of the energy you have - meals are the LAST thing you want to decide on. Gift cards, homemade meals, etc. are such a blessing. If you are able to set up a meal train for the person or family it works well!
Small gifts to provide encouragement or remembrance were such sweet items to receive. Gifts let the person know you're thinking about them, but with a low pressure for them to respond immediately - which can seem overwhelming if they are already overwhelmed. I've Curated a list of gift options depending on what your person is going through. You can find that here.
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Other practical ideas
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Listen - sometimes a listening year can mean all the difference.
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Flowers
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Be understanding. They are going through a lot and don't always know how to handle the big emotions that come with grief.
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Help with practical tasks and be specific when you offer help. Decisions are difficult in times of grief, "Let me know how I can help" might sound helpful but offers one more decision that needs to be made. People might not always know what they need.
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Be patient. I know this can be a hard task to do, but being there and being available can mean the world. Grief and loss is a difficult, but knowing that someone is there to support them can be helpful and comforting even if they don't always take you up on your offer.
Words of Support
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Words of support can come in many forms, texts, calls, letters, cards, etc. A couple things to keep in mind when you're offering words of support:
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Validate the suckiness of the situation and their emotions
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Specifically for miscarriage or infant loss, remember their child(ren), say their names, it means the world.
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Try to avoid the term "at least" ex. "at least you have a good prognosis"
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Don't give advice unless they ask.
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If you're not sure what to say, it's okay to admit that. It could sound like "I'm not sure what to say, but I'm here for you."
Many times with a scary diagnosis A LOT of information is being thrown a the family. By educating yourself you can find ways to better understand the situation and what your loved one might be facing or what supports they might need. Check out ways to educate yourself here.
