Other Things I Found Helpful

The time that Dilan and I knew we were pregnant was short, but we packed so much excitement into those days. In order to capture those memories, we decided to create a shadow box with pictures, the pregnancy test, and how I shared the news with Dilan. I found creating this memory box to be helpful in processing the grief of what I was so lucky to have and unfortunately lost. 

Your motherly instincts did not disappear when your child(ren) left this earth. Your heart wants to still nurture, but the thing it wants to nurture seems so far away. Although the one thing you want to nurture isn't here to do so, there are many ways you can channel that instinct into many other things, some that might even allow you an avenue to honor your baby(ies). For me this looked like blogging and crafting. For others it's looked like creating instagram accounts to educate and advocate, creating a shop that supports other loss parents, or even a nonprofit to gather awareness. 

Big days are hard. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Due Dates, the start of your miscarriage, birthdays, and honestly any day that feels significant. This is your experience. Your healing. Let these days be what you need them to be. A celebration? Great! A day of mourning and grieving? Perfect! A mix of the both? Sometimes it feels this way. And just because you feel one way one day doesn't mean the next big day has to be the same. Baking a cake, planting something, scheduling a photo shoot with items for that help remember the children, a day filled with the things you love to find joy amidst a hard day, or even a day filled with paying it forward in your child's honor just to name some ideas. 

Counseling... I can't suggest this enough. If you have the means to attend counseling, it can be a huge help. Virtual, in person, a mix of the two, whatever it might be - give it a shot. It might take a bit of time to find the right person, but don't give up. Psychologytoday.com is a great resource to use to find someone who might be a good fit.

Journal, journal, and journal some more.​ This journal can be a digital one or a hardcopy one. A journal allows you to tell your story, the raw moments, ones that you don't have to filter to please others, limit your words, and process through emotions that you might struggle to express other ways. 

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My journal started when I found out I was pregnant. After I found out about the miscarriage, I decided to continue that journal to continue the story of Baby O - even though the story didn't end up as we hoped. 

This one was HARD. We live in a word that is so interconnected. So dependent on what others think and not putting ourselves first. Boundaries are hard because it causes us to question what do I need more, staying connected whether it be friends, family, or people you haven't seen in years... or protecting our own selves. Boundaries look different for everyone, some of the ones I found myself making were decreasing my social media time, blocking or muting people on Facebook and Instagram for a small time, and stepping out of conversations that revolved around babies or pregnancies. These boundaries didn't last forever, but once I had the process in place of creating these, they were easier to create if I needed them again during a hard season.